I had a rotten week with a bunch of bad news coming fast on each other’s heels. Today, though, was peaceful: I watched another concert (BTS in LA), babysat the nephew, ate burrata pizza, read a fanfic. When things aren’t great, a gentle day can already be a small mercy.
The most fun things that happened are that Dynamite turned a year old on Saturday, so Ishy, Raissa, and I had a video call to celebrate the song that brought us together. On the same day, I sent Aia a surprise gift to celebrate her ARMY anniversary (mine isn’t until September 2) and it turns out she had also sent me cupcakes as a joint celebration. We are that ‘Spidermen pointing each each other’ meme!
Some reflections as my anxiety spiraled this week: I may have had wrong expectations about “feeling better” after quitting my job. I do feel better but I’m not at 100%. I suppose rest and recovery really do take time. How much time though? That question in itself already causes anxiety. The other observation I had is that I have some shame around my burnout -- the “How could I have let it get that bad?” variety -- and that’s impacting how I approach making plans for the future. I fear that I may never get back to 100% and will never be able to work again. (Can you tell this is my anxiety talking?) Lots of ‘what ifs’ and overwhelmed days. Anyway, I’ve been listening to the audiobook of Brene Brown’s Daring Greatly which has just reminded me that shame loses its hold over us when it’s put into words, so take that, gremlins.
Currently...
Feeling cute in my dresses from Meu Clothing. I literally can’t remember when the last time I felt cute was!
Eating super cute RJ and Mang macarons from Missy K Corazon, an Instagram shop I followed a while back. I got lucky; her pre-order list is full but she posts on-hand items every once in a while!
Watching Strong Girl Bong Soon. It is cute! I like the vibe.
Enjoying this TXT interview with Jessi (I laughed my head off); this reaction video to BTS’ MMA 2019 performance by Korean directors and editors (na-proud ulit ako, this is my all-time favorite performance of theirs); and this “How well does BTS know each other?” video (they seem very relaxed; it’s great).
Admiring Aia’s unofficial fanmade magazine of BTS’ BE interviews. I posted a flipthrough here; she has copies available for order at her site.
Making the most of BTS’ Memories 2019 DVD while waiting impatiently for the Memories 2020 DVD to arrive. Since I wasn’t a fan yet in 2019, I’m taking time to go through the actual performances before watching the behind-the-scenes footage. Now I’m on the hunt for the Memories 2018 DVD. Huhuhu
Appreciating the fanfic I’m reading now (New Romantics) because not only did the author include visual aids in the form of photos and fake screenshots, she also made an accompanying playlist for that multi-sensory experience.
Reflecting on a post by Reese that starts off with “What’s the point?” because this question crosses my mind a few times a day. What’s even the point of trying to be well (eat right, work out, etc etc) when *gestures around vaguely* all of this is happening? Worth clicking through to the post and reading the caption too.
Longreads…
They met in high school. Fifty years later, the pandemic helped them realize they belonged together. — Lisa Bonos, The Washington Post.
Not many longreads this week because keeping up with the news is beyond what my emotional bandwidth can take. This was cute though.
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Yours from afar,
Pinky