Over the weekend, my ARMY group chat was discussing how most of us are so anxious we’ve turned numb. The news is overwhelmingly bad and it feels like there’s no light at the end of the tunnel. Having been stuck at home this whole time, without a vacation or eating outside or meeting up with people at all, I can’t even fathom what “the next normal” would look like. We are trapped in a hell timeloop. What is a night out with friends? What is travel? (And a new one for me: what is work?) Things that defined my whole adult life are now foreign concepts.
To cope with my anxiety, I’ve mostly stayed offline the past week. I got hooked on a K-drama (She Was Pretty) and it’s so good I abruptly stopped watching with 2 episodes to go because I don’t want it to end. Yesterday, I watched BTS’ London concert DVD and cried because (a) I miss concerts; (b) if I miss concerts they must be missing concerts waaaay more because that was their daily existence for months on end! Seeing concerts go on in the US now makes my brain feel a little bit broken. Especially while reading articles about how countries that have been back to normal for months are now going back into lockdown. What more the Philippines that has never been out of lockdown??
When I was leaving my last job I cited burnout as the reason. But Audrey’s message to me last week really gets at what’s underneath all the stress that piled up: “This feeling specifically, on top of the freaking pandemic and government chaos is a lot.” I cannot overstate how much living here under the Duterte regime has taken from me mentally. I don’t know how to make it back to who I once was.
Thank you God nalang talaga for Bangtan and my ARMY friends because they save my sanity literally every day.
Currently...
Appreciating the I-love-my-body posts that sprung up after the horrendous beauty brand advertisement. My mindset about body positivity/body neutrality changed after I switched up my influencer intake to only those who made me feel good about my body; currently a mix of moms, married without kids, and single women. DM me on Instagram if you want the list!
Drinking rosé during the day because why not.
Painting my nails with new nail polish given by Aia. I always feel a bit more myself when I have painted nails.
Eating fresh mushroom and truffle burrata pizza from Gino’s! So good!!
Enjoying trading photocards! Is this what people did with NBA cards too?
Longreads…
What Bobby McIlvaine Left Behind — Jennifer Senior, The Atlantic.
I read this this morning and cried. It’s grief through the long lens of 20 years - what happened to this man’s family after he died on 9/11: The dad fell into conspiracy theories; the mom refused to be a victim; the brother had survivor’s guilt; the girlfriend held onto his diary. Exceptionally and carefully written.
UST Student's Thesis Goes Viral for Crushing Traditional Standards of Beauty — Pia Regalado, Esquire Philippines.
I love the art she chose; I love that the models belong to minority communities. Yes to all of this.
How to Deal With a Friend Who Constantly Puts Their Partner Down ‘as a Joke’ — Rachel W. Miller, Vice.
I have been the friend in this situation, around a couple who talk down to each other. I was really grateful to have found this article last week!
The Romanov the Bolsheviks forgot to kill: How Russia's last royal lived a quiet Canadian exile — Mark Hill, National Post.
Fascinating.
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Yours from afar,
Pinky