Anxiety hit like an anvil to the head this week. Rushing last-minute errands, mentally preparing to be locked down again (even if I hardly go out, at least I had the freedom to, ya know?) and lots of minor inconveniences and costly mistakes took a toll. It’s just sooooo frustrating to be living here.
I tried to do all the self-care things: I structured my schedule so that I could get back to practicing yoga regularly; we’ve gone back to salads for lunch; I am trying to sleep earlier again (so far no success on this front). I’m wearing a skincare mask as I write this. But self-care can only accomplish so much when the problems are systemic and structural. So what can we do to lift our country out of this?
In times of crisis, I try to root myself in community and service to others. I made a repeat order of Audrey’s magical kimchi so that I could share some with a group of friends whom I had elaborate cooking dates with, pre-pandemic. Zoom fatigue hit months ago and everyone’s just been keeping in touch via sporadic messages. We haven’t been together in over a year, but at least we can all cook something with the same set of ingredients. My ARMY group chat and I watched the Olympics pole vault competition together, even if only a few were hardcore Olympics fans. We have a subchat for those of us reading fanfics so we can share reactions — I don’t think I’ve ever read anything “with” other people before! It’s such a nice feeling to have a group of readers eagerly welcoming your every update. I spent a day this week baking food for the gods, my quarantine specialty, so I could share with Tatsie who was home for a quick visit. (Recipe here; divide everything by 5 for a regular-sized batch because this one is for the whole barangay. LOL). Last night, I stayed up late consoling a friend about some heart troubles.
This time is so isolating, and it’s even more important we continue to reach out to each other. What have you been doing to still foster a sense of togetherness and belonging with your own circles?
Currently...
Cooking kimchi jjigae (stew) for the first time ever!! There’s really something about Audrey’s magical kimchi. I am so happy. I have another recipe to try lined up which I will do this coming week. Excited to see what my friends made with the kimchi I sent to them too.
Lss-ing on “Dimple” by BTS again. The hold this performance from Fifth Muster has on me, I swear… To curb my FOMO over needing to wait weeks for Memories 2020, I watched the behind-the-scenes content that came with the Fifth Muster DVD and there was so much of the vocal line learning the choreography for Dimple. I love dance practices!
Reading another “must read” fanfic - Ukiyo. It’s a Mafia crime boss story! I had insomnia again last night so sent a message to the group chat at 4:30 AM about enjoying an action scene and woke up to concerned messages about my sleep habits. Hahaha.
Watching the new season of Virgin River while baking. I unapologetically love small town shows. They are so charming. Virgin River is a great background show because your eyes don’t need to be on the screen the whole time.
Missing work. Capitalism is a disease. HAHAHA. I miss that feeling of accomplishment and knowing that I had done a good job of it. When I was exiting the last job, I had a long list of “things I’m going to do once I have all the time in the world.” And yet! I now find myself thinking “I’m not tackling this list quickly enough” often, which I know is so wrong. Rest is productive and necessary. Rest is healing. This is my season of rest, and I owe it to myself not to turn rest into something that resembles work.
Longreads…
A Walk Between Two Poutines with Scaachi Koul — Isaac Fitzgerald, Walk It Off.
“You can’t have all of that happen for a year or two years and everyone is simply going to climb out of it? And want to party? Or celebrate? This is not hot girl summer. This is the desperate wanton acts of people who are trying so hard to tamp down the unbearable crushing depression that has been choking them since the beginning of 2020. … to treat an emotion that makes up a large part of the human experience like it’s battery acid isn’t going to make anyone feel better.”
I Got Ghosted. Big Time. — John Paul Brammer, ¡Hola Papi!
Painfully and beautifully written. I love this advice column so much. :(
‘Look good, feel good, run good.’ The hair and nails at track and field provide plenty of flash. — Ava Wallace, The Washington Post.
I love everything about this.
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Yours from afar,
Pinky