Saw some posts going around that this coming week, one year ago, was our last “normal” week before everything turned to shit. My world had already been turned upside down a few weeks prior...
My last “normal” day was January 27. My friends and I splurged on dinner at Matsusaka M in Osaka during our annual trip for my birthday. The chef was very endearing and had come to greet me with a personalized dessert and took photos with us… it was very sweet and hilarious. As we left the restaurant, they presented me with a gift. Immortalized in a wooden frame containing an Instax of our party with the chef, a multitude of puffy heart stickers, and a cut-up business card: a memento of the last pre-panini day of my life. Can’t help but laugh when I look at it. What are the odds, right?
The next day, January 28, I flew home early to prepare for my India trip on January 29. A few days later, on our journey home, we got stuck in Delhi airport overnight because of the travel ban in Manila. (A trauma I never ever hope to relive.) All of us on the trip quarantined for 14 days. After my quarantine, I went back to work in the office for another week or so and then lockdown happened. I remember my teammate and I went to Starbucks and then started seeing rumors of an impending lockdown that Monday evening. We were sent home early-ish and I did not think to pack up my most important stuff to take home. I legit thought we would be gone for a week… not a YEAR.
These events feel like ten years ago; every day we’re in this hell feels like a month. What even is time anymore? Who even am I anymore…?
I saw a tweet by @dianabutlerbass that said “You haven't lost a year of your life due to COVID. You've invested a year of your life in saving the lives of your family, friends, neighbors, and strangers.” and that’s a somewhat comforting way of thinking about it. But it doesn’t account for the grief and trauma that we continue to grapple with. Anne Helen Petersen, in her newsletter issue last week called “No I’m not ready”, talks about that conflicting sensation of being so eager for this all to be over, and simultaneously not ready to face the aftermath.
I don’t have a clue when this will end or what the “after” will look like. Will it ever approximate the “before”? How much do I even want it to? What are the things I want to keep about this experience? Yesterday morning, I woke up from a dream that I was getting the vaccine. My arm had started to grow heavy and warm, but I was flooded with a sense of relief. Finally, finally, finally. Sad that it was just a dream, but I continue to look forward to that day. I just need to get through this day, and the next day, and the next day after that….
Currently…
Losing my mind over Taehyung’s vlog recording Snow Flower + working out (!!!!) + playing with a dog. I had zero chance of survival.
Vibing with Jungkook in the surprise live. He just came online last weekend! I am so happy to see him so happy. Obsessed with his covers of Pinksweats’ “At My Worst” and JB + Dan and Shay’s “10,000 Hours” and eagerly looking forward to his mixtape.
Freaking out over the Agust D lyric book made by Aia in time for Suga’s birthday tomorrow! We’ve been talking about this project for ages!
Laughing my head off at the past week’s Run BTS episode. I laughed so hard I gave myself phlegm. Aside from being the world’s top recording artist, they are also natural comedians.
Reading “You Have a Match” by Emma Lord, who released “Tweet Cute” last year (which I looooved). This one is great too, so far. I haven’t been able to put it down.
Marking International Women’s Day today by hunkering down and writing a big story. I haven’t written one like this in a while so I’m looking forward to flexing that muscle again. While doing one of the interviews for it, the interviewee said she’s excited to see the finished article because she reads this newsletter (!) and she knows how wonderfully I write (!!!).
Longreads…
S. Korea to build state-run K-pop concert hall for unaffordable online performances — Lim Chang-won, Aju Business Daily.
BTS paved the way! But also, look at their government’s support for small agencies/rookies/ indie artists...
Through the mailbox slot: Japanese theatre offers new viewing experience — Reuters.
It doesn’t surprise me that it’s the Japanese who came up with this innovation.
BTS Have Officially Been Named The Top Recording Artist In The World In 2020 — Hugh Macintyre, Forbes.
Bangtan “first non-English act to…” Sonyeondan. They just got announced as Grammy performers (as I draft this newsletter) and I’m beyond proud and happy for them. This is their dream!
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Yours from afar,
Pinky